After multiple years of absence I find myself in need of a blog once more. I find this difficult when to some extent I no longer believe in the premise of blogging. Is the void better for my speaking incessantly into it? Have I improved the internet with my ramblings? Even when I spoke solely of games, were they at all edified for my discourse?
The last has a clear answer, not at all. While I often appreciate the efforts of projects such as Extra Credits, I can’t help but feel that much of what they say is simply someone else echoing my own writings back to me. What I had to say still needs to be said, but apparently it needs someone else to say it.
So rather than wallow in my own unimportance I set off on a crusade to create! And frankly I failed magnificently. My attempts to create games fell upon hang up after hang up, difficulty on difficulty. I persevered and spent months working non-stop on my first flash game and what was accomplished? Well releasing it felt like tearing my own soul asunder and it frankly sucked in any case.
After all of that you’d think I’d be pretty down in the dumps. I am not.
Oh I’m certainly not dancing along to Pharrel Williams any time soon, but I don’t feel truly defeated just yet. I’ve learned enormous amounts. I caught the vision of Object Oriented Programming. I learned how to do what was necessary to get from step one to step two. And strangely I’ve found my true love in life is writing fiction. Figure that one out, I’m still trying.
But whether I move forward by finding a day job slinging code, hopefully one that can fill in those last few remaining holes, or move on to another dream of a life immersed in words and ideas, I will be content.
And in the end, I think that’s what I’ve always wanted.